A View From Middle England - Conservative with a slight libertarian touch - For Christian charity and traditional belief - Free Enterprise NOT Covert Corporatism

Thursday, February 15, 2007

His Boomerang Won't Come Back!

Tony Blair is up in Scotland trying to unravel the wreckage of his constitutional dog's dinner. He seems to be blithely ignorant of, or just plain stubborn towards, the reality of devolution. Alex Salmond, the Scottish National Party leader, appears to think of Blair as a troublesome incompetent, but is obviously delighted at the new arrangements. Salmond has given Blair a new nickname!

Boomerang Blair! Let's just hope he doesn't bounce back. I don't want to see an independent Scotland, so we need politicians around with a better grasp of reality.

Is this the real truth?

(Oom-yacka-Labour, oom-yacka-gonga, oom-yacka-Labour)

In the wild Highlands of Scotland
Many years ago,
The Blairite tribes were meeting,
Having a big pow-wow.

(Oom-yacka-Labour, oom-yacka-Labour)

"We got a lot of trouble, Chief,
On account of your son Blair."

"My boy Blair? Why, what's wrong with him?"

BLAIR: My boomerang won't come back.
"Your boomerang won't come back?"

BLAIR: My boomerang won't come back,
My boomerang won't come back,
I've waved the thing all over the place,
Practised till I was black in the face,
I'm a big disgrace to the Blairite case,
My boomerang won't come back.

BLAIR: I can outwit a Nat or two (yeah yeah)
Make a couple of Nats go phew! (yeah yeah)
But I'm a big disgrace to the Blairite case,
My boomerang won't come back.

They banished him from the tribe then
And sent him on his way,
He had a backless boomerang
So here he could not stay.

(New Labour noises)

BLAIR: [Spoken] This is nice, innit? Getting banished at my time of life. What a way to spend an evening: sitting on a rock in the middle of the glen with me boomerang in me hand. I shall very likely get Bushwhacked. (A Labour Heavyweight roars; Blair shrieks back.)

BLAIR: Get out of it! You nasty Bushwhacking Chancellor. Think I'll make a nice cup of tea. (Doing, doing, doing...) Good gracious! There goes a Nationalist. I must have a practice with me boomerang: hit him right behind the leftearhole. Now then, slowly back.

Gruff voice: If you throw that thing at me, I'll jump right on your head. (He chuckles and runs away.)

BLAIR: Innit marvellous? Got a land full of Nationalists and I had to pick that one.

For three long months he sat there
Or maybe it was four,
Then an old old man in Nationalist colours,
Came a-knocking at his door.

"Well, I'm the local spin doctor, son,
They call me Alex Salmond.
Now tell me, what's your trouble, boy?"

BLAIR: My boomerang won't come back.
"Your boomerang won't come back?"

BLAIR: My boomerang won't come back,
My boomerang won't come back,
I've waved the thing all over the place,
Practised till I was black in the face,
I'm a big disgrace to the Blairite case,
My boomerang won't come back.

"Don't worry, boy, I know the trick,
And to you I'm gonna show it.
If you want your boomerang to come back,
Well first you've got to... throw it."

BLAIR: Ooh, yes! Never thought of that. Mandy will be pleased. Must have a go, nyuh-huh! Excuse me. Now then, slowly back... and throw. (Boomerang whizzes away; Sounds of a limousine approaching and then crashing into a wall.)

BLAIR: Ooh my God! I've hit the cheeky Chancellor. Eee-hee-hee! Can you do first aid?

Spin Doctor: Don't talk to me about first aid, boy, you owe me a referendum, you know, when I learned you to throw the boomerang, you know, first things first.

BLAIR: Yes, I know that, but I mean, I think on this occasion, you know, you could be a bit more perspective...........


See you soon, folks!!

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